


softened

by neepynoodles



Category: Apex Legends (Video Games)
Genre: Character Study, Comfort, Cuddling & Snuggling, Hurt/Comfort, I put Revenant through the tenderiser, M/M, Nightmares, Polyamory, Revcryptane Agenda, let! him! get! soft(er)!, past death mention
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-11
Updated: 2020-04-11
Packaged: 2021-03-02 00:00:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,591
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23585755
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/neepynoodles/pseuds/neepynoodles
Summary: Revenant hates vulnerability, but when his past continues to haunt him, perhaps opening up has its benefits.--alternatively: crypto and octane help calm him down after another nightmare/memory of one of his deathsalso a mini-study of Rev, how he hates showing vulnerability, and how he lives in denial that he's grown soft
Relationships: Crypto | Park Tae Joon/Octane | Octavio Silva/Revenant, Crypto | Park Tae Joon/Revenant, Octane | Octavio Silva/Revenant
Comments: 5
Kudos: 52





	softened

Revenant does _not_ brood. He makes that very clear whenever someone dares to imply or outright state so with a light teasing tone to their voice. He’s all snarls and glowing eyes, fingers extending into deadly points as he threatens to tear out their throat. He does not brood. He does not _feel_ . He has not gone _soft_ since joining the games, he is simply biding his time and lying in wait like a predator hunts its prey. He is anger and death incarnate, desiring nothing more than blood on his hands. 

So why, then, does he no longer mind when Taejoon and Octavio _obviously_ tease him from across the room while he stalks back and forth along the floor to ceiling windows? Or when they tell him from their seats at the table that he’s going to get frown lines if he “keeps this up”? Or even when Octavio practically clambers over him to cuddle at night while Taejoon curls up and takes his cold metal hand in his own warm one? Or- 

Alright. Perhaps he has gotten a _little_ softer. 

He hates being vulnerable. He lies awake between them now. His partners, his lovers, his _boyfriends_. Affection is still so foreign to him even as memories fade in and out of view in his head, lives and deaths blurring together as he stiffly sits up. He gently manoeuvres Octavio off of himself and crawls over him to leave the bed. 

Nightmares, he tells himself, they’re just nightmares. He can feel his wiring beginning to cool down as he becomes more awake. Oh how he wishes he could still believe the visions he sees were only nightmares that haunt him when he sleeps. 

He walks because he can, because he has to. He needs to move, to pace, to feel the scratch of his voice box as he growls softly to himself. He needs _something_ to make himself feel _real_. In his dazed state, he recalls the newest doctor hired to the Apex Games’ staff - going only by the name Four. They had offered to put him in a synthetic flesh body once, to transfer his consciousness back into a skinsuit. He had turned the offer down then but he finds himself tempted every so often. 

He wonders how much more real the nightmares would feel if he were flesh. He’s awakened by the sound of screams dying in his throat only to realise they’re his own. He interrupts his own train of thought to laugh. He is a murderer. A monster. He has a mission, a checklist of souls to reap. He has no time to ponder his own vulnerability or weakness, he should _kill_ the ones who dare to lower their guard around him. 

But he sees the way Taejoon looks at him when he believes no one notices, the way his lips twitch up in the ghost of a smile. And he _hears_ the grin in Octavio's voice whenever he speaks, and he feels the warmth in every kiss that's pressed to the metal of his simulacrum body. 

Revenant sees - he _feels_ \- their _love_ for him. And he cannot bring himself to kill them for good. 

His pacing eventually takes him to the kitchen where he stands, clenching and unclenching his fists repeatedly in silence. He recognises the footsteps he hears before he turns around but he tenses up and there’s a growl in his throat as Taejoon speaks. 

“Revenant.” His voice is soft, sleepy, _concerned_. “괜찮아?” 

“I’m fine.” Revenant answers, but it comes out as less of a snarl than he would have liked. He knows that Taejoon has long since become adapted to his personality and the way he speaks anyway. “Go back to sleep.” 

Taejoon doesn’t listen, because of course he doesn’t. Instead, he walks closer until Revenant can feel his warm breath against his shoulder. 

“Which one was it this time?” 

There’s a hand on his hip now and another on his arm, and Revenant feels himself give in as he tries to lean into the touch subtly. His own hands come up to Taejoon’s shoulders and he hums. He’s grown soft and he hates it. The hacker is wearing an open sided tank top, one of Revenant’s favourites on him, and his hair is messy and his glasses are crooked but his thumbs are rubbing small circles against Revenant’s metal plating so he leans forward before answering. 

“It was _nothing_.” 

There’s a pause, and he can tell that his lie hasn’t been believed. 

“Then come back to bed,” Taejoon has the audacity to look up at him through his lashes, a small smirk on his face, “Octavio’s waiting for us.” 

He wants to say no, to push the hacker away and stalk out of the apartment. But he can’t. Not when Taejoon looks up at him like this and says Octavio’s name like that with his sleep addled voice. So Revenant gives in. Again. Because when he feels Taejoon’s hand as they walk back to the room, and he sees Octavio’s eyes light up as he slowly pushes himself up into a seating position on the bed and beckons the two of them over, he feels like he could belong here. They don’t treat him like he’s made of delicate porcelain, they don’t coddle him, but they’ve made him softer and he hates it but he can’t deny that he feels more _alive_ again with them, more real. He feels wanted and _loved_. 

And that almost scares him. 

“C’mere,” Octavio murmurs as Revenant comes within grabbing distance, his hands reaching out eagerly to hold his face and pull him in close. Revenant closes the distance between them before the daredevil can, pressing their lips together in a quick kiss before he begrudgingly rolls over him and back beneath the blanket. Taejoon quickly retakes his spot on his other side after taking his glasses off and the two of them stare at him expectantly. 

He cracks. It’s late and he’s exhausted, and deep down he knows that talking will help the haunting images he sees when he rests. No matter how hard he fights against opening up, he knows his walls have begun to shatter around these two even if he denies it.

“I was trapped.” He begins as he lays down and shuts his eyes, “Beneath ice.” 

He clenches his fists and immediately he feels the other two place their hands over his and they lie down beside him. 

“No one could hear me.” He continues. His voice box whirrs, the sound almost deafening in the silent room. He feels Octavio twitch beside him, fingers lightly rubbing and drumming against his metal plating. His wiring calms down but he can’t, and won’t, bring himself to continue describing the memory. “It was that one tonight.” 

He doesn’t feel physical anymore, lost to a void of his memories and emotions. The nightmare is already fading but he’s cursed to never truly forget any of his past deaths anymore. He is a monster and monsters do not get happy endings. They don’t get peaceful deaths and they don’t get sweet dreams. They get the echoes of screams, the feeling of blood on their hands, and they get an ending that they deserve. 

“We’re here for you, compadre.” Octavio whispers, “You can try to get rid of us but we’re not going anywhere.” 

Hitmen like him aren’t supposed to get love, they aren’t supposed to get partners or even _friends_ , and they aren’t supposed to get the feeling of warm hands and whispers calming them down from the ghosts of their past. They aren’t supposed to have two boyfriends who _love_ them as much as they love each other. They aren’t supposed to get Octavio’s kisses pressed repeatedly against the synthetic flesh of their neck as he whispers to them in Spanish all the things he likes - no, _loves_ \- about them. They aren’t supposed to get Taejoon’s wandering fingers grounding them in reality, running over their metal frame and his patience as he waits for them to continue talking. 

“You’re here now.” Taejoon murmurs, “You’re safe. You’re alive. You’re with us.” 

Revenant realises all of a sudden that his body has begun to lightly shake, and if he still had tear ducts he might have been crying. The other two understand right away, wrapping their arms around him to hold them all close together. He feels their kisses as Octavio rambles reassuring words to him. He can only just barely comprehend what he’s saying but he can hear enough to calm down and his hands reach out beneath the blanket for theirs. His cold fingers intertwine with theirs as Octavio throws one of his thighs over his metal hip and Taejoon pulls the covers up higher over the three of them. 

Revenant holds them as close as he can. The contact keeps him focused and makes him feel warm, like a light chasing away the memories that lurk in his system. He denies that he enjoys the company and that he’s capable of caring, of loving. Imagine that - a killing machine defeated by the desire to feel loved, adored, cared for, appreciated. He was human once, and he feels like one again in moments like these. 

He should thank them for calming him after his nightmares, he knows he should, but his pride won’t let the words form. Still… He’s sure that they know, because as he falls asleep again, he hears them both whisper.

“사랑해.” “Te amo.” 

Perhaps getting soft wasn’t so bad after all. 


End file.
